Productivity is difficult to maintain when you don't have any structure. I am currently working for the city of New York in a department that does not have set schedules for most of it's employees. My schedule changes day to day and I only know my days off in advance, not what time I am working. So even though I may be off from work today, I may still have to go back into work at 12am midnight. This makes a day off not really a day off but more like a few hours off from work.

This becomes very frustrating if you think about it, so I try not to think about it too much. However, it's hard when your significant other and other close family members repeatedly ask you on a Friday, "So when are you working on Tuesday?" and I respond "I won't know Tuesday's schedule until the day before."

No matter how often I attempt to explain the crazy system to them, they still never get it. What makes things worse is that even though I signed to work nights. Meaning that I will be guaranteed a slot on a night shift before someone who didn't sign nights, I still end up jumping around working all sorts of crazy schedules.

One of my dreams has always been to open a coffee shop and up until the last 2 years, I always felt that Starbucks had cornered the market. I don't believe so anymore. As a result of some serious crucial mistakes on their part, Starbucks has lost a lot of money and resources. Not resources in the terms of money but in terms of well educated employees with a vast wealth of coffee knowledge. This news and the fact that three of the west coast's more famous coffee house institutions are moving to NYC and opening up their own roasting plants, has made me more interested in opening up my coffee shop than ever.

Today as I went into one of my favorite stores, I was greeted by a friend of mine who told me that I left the company at the right time. She went on to inform me that moral is really down adn that hours are being cut, assistant managers are being let go, and so the staff is feeling the burden of cramming in work that was normally done during a shift at off peak hours. I expect to find a few more less enthusiastic Starbucks employees and a lot dirtier appearence at many of their locations here in NYC. It seems that Starbucks is falling behind on what everyone else is doing. Instead of just tightening the ship and going back to basics, they are attempting to pull rabbits out of hats and make the company successful by launching new product lines and revamping old product lines which they have been told are not successful.

Expect to find new tea offerings in your local Starbucks stores, as sources have told me that you will be seeing a revamp of the entire TAZO Tea line. One of the biggest disappointments to me, is the news of a new Chai product to be launched by Starbucks which will alter this customer's favorite non-coffee based beverage. I love the Chai as it is currently offered and would hate to see it change.

If Howard Schultz is truly listening to what people want he will realize that keeping a consistant product is most important for people. That is the number 1 reason that I frequent Starbucks locations. By losing District Managers who have had more than 8 years with the company, and by eliminating assistant manager position, you are causing there to be huge opportunities for inconsistent beverages to be made along with a breakdown in communication and education of all new and current Starbucks partners. Starbucks was always a fun place and that is why so many young talented, well educated individuals worked there. Not because they were slackers, but because it was a place where they could have pride in what they do, and share their knowledge of coffee and tea and feel like they are impacting people's lives. Many young artists, poets, and writers all work at coffee shops and I am afraid that they will end up not being able to afford supplies or resources for their work, because their hours will be cut this winter season.

I had a very nice day yesterday. I woke up early and headed straight to the city to meet an old co-worker of mine. We had lunch and discussed the old times and the new times. It's always wonderful to meet people that you haven't seen in a while and catch up and remember why you enjoyed their company so much that you are willing to meet them just to say hi. I'm a little neurotic, I know. But walking through Chelsea and seeing the galleries and the artwork being showcased, provided a renewed energy and interest in the Arts. I know "Arts" should not be capitalized but to me it should.
There are a few things in this world that provide me with extreme calm and relaxation which basically is my way of showing happiness. One is going to Church. It sounds lame to some people but being inside of a Catholic Church even just to sit and meditate, makes me feel so relaxed and at home. The second is Art. Hanging out in a gallery and looking at paintings, photography and sculpture, makes me extremely peaceful as well as motivated. Motivated to do all of the things that I always say I am going to do but fail to follow through on.
So yesterday when I was walking through Chelsea and stopped at a Starbucks and had coffee, I was able to pull out a book and just write freely and read a cool book about Contemporary Art from China. It was just a nice time.
I have to make a serious recommendation / suggestion to all of the independent, hipster, cool, trendy, coffee shops out there. Please get more seating if you're going to serve high quality coffee based beverages to a hip crowd with discerning tastes. Yesterday I went to a coffee shop that considers itself to be the "art of coffee" but after getting on a line 5 people deep. I left. Not because of the wait, because good coffee takes time and I understand that. But because of the lack of seating. There were a few tables and chairs set up but hipsters, grandmas, nannies with babies, and the European art crowd took them all. So that is why I went down to 8th avenue and went to a Starbucks. Starbucks almost always has more seats to accommodate their guests, and with my iPhone, I also get free wifi.

The frustration that builds inside of me is incredibly powerful. I am amazed at how the lack of satisfaction in life makes me want to do things that I never force myself to do and in the end only sit in coffee shops dreaming of the possibilities in life and viewing my rotting corpse getting older and older. The increase in smell from my body is incredible, the hair is growing in places it seemed never possible (ears, nose, back). Signs of aging should be signs of wisdom, battle scars of wars fought, lands explored, except it has become a vessel of regret. Frustration inside and lack of happiness is causing me to act irrational and burst out in fits of rage. All because I lack the attention span, drive and initiative to follow through with the goals and dreams that I have for myself.

I am always willing to work and have begun the new job slinging trash bags with hopes that when I want to retire and fulfill all those dreams 20 years too late, I will be able to. For now I take a massive pay cut and realize that I am not utilizing the potential that is locked inside of my brain. I still yearn for a mentor and a leader to guide me through life.

Every several months, I make a pact with myself to fulfill these wants and drives to make sure that I am able to complete these goals set out for myself but I am sure that many others make the trip to NYC from their small town and their lack of opportunities and fear of being thrown back into the small town, who are so scared they force themselves to experiment and try anything and everything so that they can force themselves to succeed.

I will once again create a list of things to do and to accomplish, in hopes that I will be able to reach those personal goals that I have set for myself.

So we had a great Thanksgiving weekend here in the new house in Brooklyn. We didn't celebrate Thanksgiving here but rather spent it during half days in New Jersey and Staten Island. Overall an enormous amount of turkey and trimmings were consumed along with large amounts of sweet delicious diabetes inducing pies and cakes.

The most eventful day of the weekend was Saturday when we had our new DirectTv installed. It is so great to finally have DVR. Working all sorts of crazy hours, I am not able to sit at home on a regular basis and just watch those television programs that I want to, when they are airing for the first time. So DVR, has become another on the staple of necessities for survival. Then later that night Lizzie and I baked an apple pie. Photos to come later.